I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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