So drunk, too bad you don't want this
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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