it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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