I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
