i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm like, not good at living.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
