; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
