I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
