My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
