There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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