You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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