i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
