Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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