So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
