remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
