What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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