I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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