Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
