im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
