Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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