Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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