I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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