While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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