party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
