i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
