Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
