i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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