I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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