how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
