He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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