I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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