Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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