Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she woke up with a sticky ear
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
