Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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