if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
