apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
