WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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