i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
