We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
