I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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