i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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