Please, let me fuck your mom
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize