Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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