i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
