went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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