Welp...herpes.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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