Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
