I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We need to rekindle our bromance
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
