i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
