If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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