i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
