also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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