During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
