My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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