"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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