Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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