The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
