I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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