if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
