If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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