Cold hands, warm shart.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
