3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize