I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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