ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
nutella sex= disaster
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
