dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
