Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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