And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
